Dominant and submission dating
In Ogas and Gaddam’s description of such “play,” note how the pressure is actually much more on the dom than the sub: “A good dom pays very close attention to the sub’s experience and determines when a sub may be approaching his or her limits.
It takes training and experience to become a good dom—usually by serving as a sub for an established dom” (p. And this last remark may be seen as tying into the fact that besides doms and subs, there are also (rather than sexual) relief that many alpha males in socially dominant positions experience in identifying with the submissive role (think bankers, CEO’s, even university deans).
One example that we can probably relate to pertains to female dogs, who sometimes mount other females or (for that matter) legs of humans.
Such seemingly “perverse” acts are controlled by sexual dominance circuitry.
So it’s something like having their (erotically escapist) cake and eating it, too.
It’s certainly significant that Ogas and Gaddam emphasize that BDSM play, unlike other sexually ritualistic practices, isn’t generally geared toward inducing orgasm.
What needs to be stressed here is that since such a one-down sexual role is more or less selected, there can be—at least as — a certain measure of control embedded in the subordinate role.
Yet the practice is actually more cooperative and mutually gratifying than the term might imply.
For in BDSM the submissive (or “sub”) willingly the dominant (or “dom”) power over them, and they do so out of trust and respect.
But—and this is what’s crucial— Arguing inductively, Ogas and Gaddam state: “Since heterosexual female macaques mount other females, and heterosexual male bonobos allow themselves to be mounted by other males, it’s reasonable to presume that they also feel pleasure from switching over to the other side.” And this is why the authors avoid making hard-and-fast distinctions between dominance and submission—for humans, too, seem capable of shifting from one role to the other. Going beyond this viewpoint, it’s useful to explore the paradoxical possibility that there can be submission submission.
And even though most individuals prefer a single sexual stance, still each role seems to offer its own gratifications. Feeling out of control is intimately related to anxiety.